Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Come share oat with me in your robe
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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