There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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