The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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