whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
