i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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