I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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