I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Green mimosas i think yes
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
