Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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