Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
