mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
