her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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