nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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