I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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