Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
