so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
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I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
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So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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