Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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