I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
