Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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