Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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