where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
