at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
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