He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
