Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Someone signed my nipple.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
