just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize