So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
