I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize