I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
