I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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