I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
