I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She's the barista slut.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
