You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
