My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
