WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
