Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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