I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
