That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
