Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
