I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
