**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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