i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We don't watch enough power rangers
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
