you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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