Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
