no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
