There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
