My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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