wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
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Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
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You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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