she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
