At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
