just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
