im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
