she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
