Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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