I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
where are you?
Hypothermia
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
