Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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