Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
