I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
