I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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