I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
