I just made out with a guy for $7.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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