The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I think weed is turning my hair brown
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
