dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt