I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?