i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit