I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
