mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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