fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
In America we eat man semen.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
