fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize