Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
