I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
