you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
