Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
