All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
