Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize