I'm laying in your front yard are you home
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
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