You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Is Oprah even human
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
