There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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