Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
