Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
